On the 29th of September, I wrote a Blog about ‘Being Present Without Judgment: A Practice of Acceptance’. I thought it was an idea of what we can do to judge less when people trigger us. I had a follower of ZestAgain reach out and say –
Hey Sue, that’s a practice that will take me some time to develop, BUT what can I do when I am in a conversation in the NOW with someone and they say something that I find so annoyingly stupid that I would like to tear their head off”?
Great question, so I have taken the time over the week to think about this and here are some practical ways to let triggering moments pass without getting hooked by our emotions, bias and judgment. We all have moments when something hits a nerve—a comment, a look, a tone—and suddenly we’re flooded with emotion. Our filters kick in, our biases flare, and before we know it, we’re reacting from a place of judgment or defensiveness. But what if we didn’t?
What if we let it pass?
Here are a few gentle strategies to help you notice the trigger, but not follow it:
- Name It, Don’t Narrate It
When you feel the sting of a trigger, pause and name the feeling: “That’s irritation.” OR “That’s shame.” Naming helps you step out of the story and into awareness—no need to explain or justify—just notice.
- Breathe Before You Bite
A single breath can interrupt the reflex to react. Try a slow inhale and exhale before responding—or not responding at all. Silence can be a powerful choice.
- Ask: Is This Mine?
Sometimes what triggers us is more about old wounds than present reality. Ask yourself, “Is this about now, or is this echoing something older?” That question alone can loosen the grip.
- Use the Filter, Not the Funnel
Instead of letting every comment funnel straight into your emotional core, imagine a filter—one that catches what’s useful and enables the rest to float by. Not every opinion needs to be absorbed.
- Practice the Pause
You don’t have to comment. You don’t have to correct. You don’t have to defend. Let the moment pass like a wave. You can always choose to engage later—if it still feels worth it.
My Final Thoughts
Letting go of judgment doesn’t mean letting go of discernment. It means choosing when and how to respond, rather than being pulled by every emotional current. It’s not easy, but it’s freeing..
I use all of these strategies for different situations in my life. My favourite is Number 5. Have a look at the least and ask yourself:
Which one could you start using today that would be authentically you and that would give you space from your reaction to what you find irritating in another”?
Let me know your thoughts, and if you have a question, reach out and ask. I like thinking about strategies for supporting people to find their more peaceful way of being.
