Hello!
How are you? Do you make time to check in with yourself and ask that question sometimes?
“How am I”? – take time to reflect here……
Being present and in the “NOW” at the moment you are in is very hard for many. I have had the pleasure of working with teams where this has been discussed, and it was interesting to listen to the many reasons we have for not being present at the current moment.
Reasons such as:
- Too busy
- Juggling work, life, kids, parents etc…
- Attempting to do everything makes it easier than saying no….
I interpreted the last one from the discussions in my workshops as saying no is hard. THE GROUP GET UNCOMFORTABLE when I ask people why they can’t say no and stop being so busy. There is often silence in the room for at least 10 Mississippi’s before the person with courage speaks up and states it makes them feel like they are “letting people down”.
Others then add their perspectives which takes us to:-
- “I don’t have enough time to explain my no.”
- “Doing it my way is easier than a conversation.”
- “It’s too hard to say no.”
- “I don’t know how to say no – I am not used to it, and it feels uncomfortable.”
These are all valid points and felt by many I meet. I work in the healthcare industry, and this is a big group of people who put others’ needs before their own and therefore have got into the habit of just getting stuff done and getting on with life. They are carers. Others’ needs are more important than their own.
BUT I ASK – What does this cost them?
- Emotional exhaustion – as resentment occurs when we do for others and feel undervalued
- Fatigue
- Illness
- Disconnection from their family and community to which they care for
- Disconnect from their profession
- Loss of Trust with the organisations they work for – who ask for more daily?
I am sure you could add more of your own thinking here, faithful reader.
So how can we be present and ensure that we have Presence when we are with people? I hear you. You are saying, what is the difference?
To be present and in the now in your own life takes reflection to NOTICE what you are doing.
Ask yourself:-
- Are you being busy for the sake of being busy?
- Does this make you tired and feel resentful of others?
- Do you want to do things differently?
- Are you busy to distract yourself from being honest about how you feel about yourself?
- Are you filling your time because it feels like everyone does that, so you don’t want to miss out – you want to be like everyone else?
- Do you need to do everything you do?
- Are you scared of saying no?
- Do you need to find your authentic speech to say no in a way that makes you comfortable?
- Are you competitive – racing to be the best at what you do so you can prove yourself to yourself or probably someone else?
Either way – if you want to make the feeling of being busy and not present in your now different, then it is up to you to do something different.
As I always say, you can keep doing what you have always done but be aware that you will keep getting what you have always got, which is less than you want or deserve!
Changing habits is challenging but vital in an exhausted life. Once you change your habits to be more present in your daily moments, you can open the door to the concept of Presence.
Presencing is Otto Scharmer’s 4th Leadership capacity of the seven leadership capacities required for effective leadership in organisations in the current 2020 climate.
For more information, go to https://www.presencing.org/aboutus/theory-u
Presencing allows people to come together with Curiosity (not judgement), Compassion (and Self-Compassion) and Courage (to ask and learn more in a conversation) for ourselves and others.
My experience with Presence changed how I worked with others and myself. When I come to a day with an Open Heart, Open Mind, and Open Will, I see and sense with greater ease. I sit quietly, notice what is happening, and let things be as they are, allowing Curiosity to flow to co-create at the moment I am in.
To co-create with others and gain a shared understanding of a situation is a beautiful experience as all voices are heard, and even though they may be different, they all add value in the moment – and to the future.
Previously in my life, prior to understanding U Theory, I was Absencing and Closed to the present moment. Therefore, I was blindsided often and missed key points from the moment I was in. It wasn’t my fault when I was blindsided – it was other people’s fault. I would blame others when things were not working out. This was a hard road and exhausting. I spent so much time fighting for everything as I wanted control of the world my way and was steamrolling the world my way, not seeing that there was an easier way. A method called Presence.
I would encourage you to learn more about Presencing as it was a game changer in my life, making things easier and vastly more effective for me. Look at the Presencing Institute Theory U | u-school for Transformation
If you would like a coach to help you with your Presence or any other Health and Wellness goals, then Let’s Talk!
Be the ‘The Master of your Destiny‘!
We only get this life now – make it the best one for you 😊
Reference: Scharmer, O. (2018). The Essentials of Theory U:Core principles and applications. Presencing Institute. Berrett-Koehloer Publishers, Oakland. Accessed at Essentials – sample chapter 4.pdf (dropbox.com)
